Today, while shopping for a birthday card for my nephew's 2nd birthday, I noticed a fun looking "You're 2 today!" dinosaur card with moving eyes. Perfect. However on closer inspection, I spotted a small warning box on the back of the card.
This card is not suitable for children under the age of 3 years
Whatever next?
I found a brightly coloured train card instead - it would have been a disaster if his Mum's childcare business was shut down over the careless display of an unsafe card.
Monday, 3 December 2007
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Jesus Christ, Come On Down
I'm sure you must have noticed the ipod television advertisement at the moment with the music "1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more". Well, something had been nagging away at me about that song, and I have now realised what it was.
"What did god give us Neil?"
"God gave us life Nigel"
"Sure did"
"1, 2, 3, 4, John the baptist knows the score"
God Gave Us Life - Half Man Half Biscuit - Back in the DHSS.
1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more
1, 2, 3, 4, John the Bap-tist knows the score
Not just a bit similar, even rhymes and matches syllables.
I think it is probably a desparate attempt to convert the legions of HMHB fans to join the ipod generation in reverence to the new god that is the Apple. God may have given us life*, but bear in mind that when he also gave us a tasty looking Apple in the Garden of Eden, all was not as it seemed.
*alternative religious stories and scientific theories are available.
"What did god give us Neil?"
"God gave us life Nigel"
"Sure did"
"1, 2, 3, 4, John the baptist knows the score"
God Gave Us Life - Half Man Half Biscuit - Back in the DHSS.
1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more
1, 2, 3, 4, John the Bap-tist knows the score
Not just a bit similar, even rhymes and matches syllables.
I think it is probably a desparate attempt to convert the legions of HMHB fans to join the ipod generation in reverence to the new god that is the Apple. God may have given us life*, but bear in mind that when he also gave us a tasty looking Apple in the Garden of Eden, all was not as it seemed.
*alternative religious stories and scientific theories are available.
Friday, 23 November 2007
Rise of the machines
I noticed a "weight and age" option on the cycling machine in the gym, so now I am quite worried as to how it correctly guessed my age in years and my weight to the nearest pound.
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
Weston Beach Race
In October Weston-super-Mare hosted one of the more bizarre annual sporting events. Not some stupid for stupid's sake cheese rolling or bed racing extravaganza, but an admirably genuine attempt to create a big global event within the obvious limits of Weston-super-Mare.
You may have heard of the Weston Beach Race, but it first came to my notice this morning.
It starts relatively sensibly as an impressive 1000+ competitors on motor bikes race along a long, flat, slightly damp stretch of beach with a huge roar of engines:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB7pDwmqDJs
Then, whoever's idea this was, they got carried away. After the long straight the competitors turn into an intimidating circuit of sand dunes, some at least 15 foot high - here they are at the first dune in 2006:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1f1qaAZjduc
Obviously human-made sand dunes are not the easiest thing for a motorbike to scale, and, unsurprisingly, it doesn't take long before the amateur competitors (anyone who wants can enter) plough into the first sand dune and get stuck, or stall their bike on top of it, or topple over the top and spend a while lying down under their bike on the downslope, or, most likely, find themselves stuck in the huge queue waiting to make a fool of themselves.
Meanwhile at the front the first 20 or so riders whizz on round through all the sculptured dunes and jumps to return to the start line. It takes the top riders about 10 minutes to get round back to where they started, but this is not the end as amazingly this event is a 3 hour endurance race, so once again the top riders approach the first dune, which is still a scene of carnage, dodge the still-stricken riders and carry on round.
The end of the race fitted in nicely with the rest of the shenanigans. After two and a quarter hours of the 3 hour race the man with the chequered flag appeared and the race finished. A look over at the sea confirmed the reason for the premature conclusion, as the support vehicles parked on the beach were gradually becoming submerged by the approaching tide. Possibly that should have been foreseen.
The highlights of this event, and the supporting circus of other foolish events, can be seen again today at:
21/11/07 12:00 Sky Sports 2
21/11/07 18:00 Sky Sports Xtra
21/11/07 21:00 Sky Sports 2
21/11/07 24:00 Sky Sports 3
You may have heard of the Weston Beach Race, but it first came to my notice this morning.
It starts relatively sensibly as an impressive 1000+ competitors on motor bikes race along a long, flat, slightly damp stretch of beach with a huge roar of engines:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zB7pDwmqDJs
Then, whoever's idea this was, they got carried away. After the long straight the competitors turn into an intimidating circuit of sand dunes, some at least 15 foot high - here they are at the first dune in 2006:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1f1qaAZjduc
Obviously human-made sand dunes are not the easiest thing for a motorbike to scale, and, unsurprisingly, it doesn't take long before the amateur competitors (anyone who wants can enter) plough into the first sand dune and get stuck, or stall their bike on top of it, or topple over the top and spend a while lying down under their bike on the downslope, or, most likely, find themselves stuck in the huge queue waiting to make a fool of themselves.
Meanwhile at the front the first 20 or so riders whizz on round through all the sculptured dunes and jumps to return to the start line. It takes the top riders about 10 minutes to get round back to where they started, but this is not the end as amazingly this event is a 3 hour endurance race, so once again the top riders approach the first dune, which is still a scene of carnage, dodge the still-stricken riders and carry on round.
The end of the race fitted in nicely with the rest of the shenanigans. After two and a quarter hours of the 3 hour race the man with the chequered flag appeared and the race finished. A look over at the sea confirmed the reason for the premature conclusion, as the support vehicles parked on the beach were gradually becoming submerged by the approaching tide. Possibly that should have been foreseen.
The highlights of this event, and the supporting circus of other foolish events, can be seen again today at:
21/11/07 12:00 Sky Sports 2
21/11/07 18:00 Sky Sports Xtra
21/11/07 21:00 Sky Sports 2
21/11/07 24:00 Sky Sports 3
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Not so Hot Mail
I am pleased to note that hotmail's new taste filter is working well :
This message has been blocked for your safety.
Don't miss Cliff Richard
From: Ticketmaster (ticketalert@mailservices.ticketmaster.co.uk)
This message may be dangerous.
Sent: 18 October 2007 18:06:42
This message has been blocked for your safety.
Don't miss Cliff Richard
From: Ticketmaster (ticketalert@mailservices.ticketmaster.co.uk)
This message may be dangerous.
Sent: 18 October 2007 18:06:42
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
Beware of the pig in pig's clothing
In Sainsbury's recently, I noticed, and obviously had to purchase, the new Pigs in blankets flavour potato crisps.
They have a real sausagey feel about them, you get the same nagging thought that you are eating something that would normally only be fed to farm aninals, and the flecks of greenery in them are similarly probably trying to hide something rather than just enhance the taste.
However the blankets appear to be missing. There is no obvious bacon hint in the flavour. It seems likely that the flavour makers in the crisp department came up with a reasonable sausage flavour, whilst the marketing people decided "Pigs in blankets flavour" would sell better than "sausage flavour". And, you've got to hand it to the marketing department because I wouldn't have bought sausage flavour or mentioned it on such an influential blog ... and someone somewhere realised that no-one in their right mind would make a repeat purchase, hence the "Limited Edition" tag.
So, the recommendation is to rush out, buy Pigs in Blankets flavour crisps, and then enjoy their quirkiness but you probably shouldn't eat them.
Saturday, 4 August 2007
pasta_rogue returns to save the world
We can all do our bit to stop global warming. However most suggestions we hear are pretty miopic or limited. Obviously I have been unable to post in the past few months as I have been giving my full attention to worrying about the planet.
So, here are my top 10 tips for saving the World :
1. Build more roads. Blindingly obvious, free flowing traffic much less polluting than congestion. And, of course, remove all road humps.
2. Penalise families. Probably the single most environmentally unfriendly thing you can do is to have children. Any couple having a child nowadays are responsible for all the emissions that child ever causes and additionally for half the emissions of all their grandchildren, a quarter of emissions of all their great-grandchildren, etc ... At a conservative estimate of 1.7 children born per descendent, having a child makes you responsible for 6.7 peoples lifetime emissions. We urgently need green taxes to penalise families and marriage.
3. Stop using gyms. Exercise is very bad for the environment, as it vastly increases breathing rate and the production of waste carbon dioxide.
4. Legalise assisted suicide. If someone volunteers to stop producing carbon dioxide, why do we attempt to stop them?
5. Don't drink bottled water. Increasing numbers of people choose to buy expensive dirty water, bottled straight out of the ground, shipped in from France rather than drink the free clean water that is conveniently piped straight into their kitchen.
6. Always buy products packaged in non-biodegradable plastics. You may have heard of Carbon Sequestration, methods of locking carbon away so that it cannot end up as carbon dioxide, well you can do your bit towards that. As plastics are generally polymerised carbon compounds, the more plastic you can get into landfill sites, the better for everyone. However watch out for the biodegradable warning on packs, as some scurrilous companies try to bring in these awful new plastics which rot to produce loads of carbon dioxide.
7. Bury people. Once they are dead, obviously. Cremation creates a lot of unnecessary emissions.
8. Live underwater. With the oceans being a huge natural carbon dioxide sink, if we all lived underwater we could easily deal with all the CO2 we produce by having it absorbed into the ocean so that it would not end up in the atmosphere.
OK, I haven't quite made it to ten reasons, so I can offer some balance with my favourite counter-arguments to doing anything at all :
9. There is a lot of dramatic rhetoric delivered about how terrible it is for the polar ice caps to be melting, but there is an underlying presumption that the poles should be covered in ice. The only reason that they are covered in ice is because we are in an ice age. It has been a fairly long ice age so perhaps we should happily allow it to finally come to an end.
10. We also hear often that we shouldn't interfere with nature. Well, to me this sounds like a reason not to change our actions in order to affect what is happening to the environment. Humans are as natural as trees, flowers, elephants, warthogs and hurricanes and should be allowed to continue exerting their natural effect on the environment.
I hope that clears everything up and the world can now stop obsessing over this.
So, here are my top 10 tips for saving the World :
1. Build more roads. Blindingly obvious, free flowing traffic much less polluting than congestion. And, of course, remove all road humps.
2. Penalise families. Probably the single most environmentally unfriendly thing you can do is to have children. Any couple having a child nowadays are responsible for all the emissions that child ever causes and additionally for half the emissions of all their grandchildren, a quarter of emissions of all their great-grandchildren, etc ... At a conservative estimate of 1.7 children born per descendent, having a child makes you responsible for 6.7 peoples lifetime emissions. We urgently need green taxes to penalise families and marriage.
3. Stop using gyms. Exercise is very bad for the environment, as it vastly increases breathing rate and the production of waste carbon dioxide.
4. Legalise assisted suicide. If someone volunteers to stop producing carbon dioxide, why do we attempt to stop them?
5. Don't drink bottled water. Increasing numbers of people choose to buy expensive dirty water, bottled straight out of the ground, shipped in from France rather than drink the free clean water that is conveniently piped straight into their kitchen.
6. Always buy products packaged in non-biodegradable plastics. You may have heard of Carbon Sequestration, methods of locking carbon away so that it cannot end up as carbon dioxide, well you can do your bit towards that. As plastics are generally polymerised carbon compounds, the more plastic you can get into landfill sites, the better for everyone. However watch out for the biodegradable warning on packs, as some scurrilous companies try to bring in these awful new plastics which rot to produce loads of carbon dioxide.
7. Bury people. Once they are dead, obviously. Cremation creates a lot of unnecessary emissions.
8. Live underwater. With the oceans being a huge natural carbon dioxide sink, if we all lived underwater we could easily deal with all the CO2 we produce by having it absorbed into the ocean so that it would not end up in the atmosphere.
OK, I haven't quite made it to ten reasons, so I can offer some balance with my favourite counter-arguments to doing anything at all :
9. There is a lot of dramatic rhetoric delivered about how terrible it is for the polar ice caps to be melting, but there is an underlying presumption that the poles should be covered in ice. The only reason that they are covered in ice is because we are in an ice age. It has been a fairly long ice age so perhaps we should happily allow it to finally come to an end.
10. We also hear often that we shouldn't interfere with nature. Well, to me this sounds like a reason not to change our actions in order to affect what is happening to the environment. Humans are as natural as trees, flowers, elephants, warthogs and hurricanes and should be allowed to continue exerting their natural effect on the environment.
I hope that clears everything up and the world can now stop obsessing over this.
Thursday, 3 May 2007
Snooker Lucre 4
Anthony Hamilton 7-13 Stephen Maguire
Finally, quality showed through in an Anthony Hamilton match. He was lucky to get 7 I thought.
Semi Final:
Shaun Murphy v Mark Selby
Both players will be relieved to sneak through 13-12 to get this far and it should be a fairly even match. Murphy has been here and done it before, but is looking unconvincing so far. Selby's temperament has proved good through some tough tests and his form has looked better than his opponent's. Selby should be a small favourite providing he adapts well to the crucible semi-final one table format.
Selby current Betfair odds 2.62 - my fair odds 1.86 or shorter
Finally, quality showed through in an Anthony Hamilton match. He was lucky to get 7 I thought.
Semi Final:
Shaun Murphy v Mark Selby
Both players will be relieved to sneak through 13-12 to get this far and it should be a fairly even match. Murphy has been here and done it before, but is looking unconvincing so far. Selby's temperament has proved good through some tough tests and his form has looked better than his opponent's. Selby should be a small favourite providing he adapts well to the crucible semi-final one table format.
Selby current Betfair odds 2.62 - my fair odds 1.86 or shorter
Tuesday, 1 May 2007
Snooker Lucre 3 - At war with the Hamilton
Ian McCulloch 8-13 Anthony Hamilton
I was scuppered by Hamilton once again. Despite Hamilton being pretty hopeless during the first two sessions, McCulloch defied belief by matching his abysmal level of play to leave the match level at 8-8. Hamilton then played the final session pretty well to my growing anger! It has been suggested that McCulloch was quite keen for Hamilton to beat him as it made Dott (who McCulloch beat in the first round and who McCulloch strongly dislikes) look bad and appear to be worse than Hamilton. Then again that may just be me making excuses.
Quarter finals
Anthony Hamilton v Stephen Maguire - I hesitate to write this after the last two rounds ... but ... Hamilton is the one poor player left in a high quality quarter final line up and I feel I must remain true to my ratings systems by flagging up the value bet once again.
Stephen Maguire currently 1.41 on betfair - fair odds 1.21 or less.
Other than this I have had a small dabble on Mark Selby who should be a warm favourite to beat Ali Carter although you may be able to back him at about evens. However, not big enough value to be a bona fide tip.
I was scuppered by Hamilton once again. Despite Hamilton being pretty hopeless during the first two sessions, McCulloch defied belief by matching his abysmal level of play to leave the match level at 8-8. Hamilton then played the final session pretty well to my growing anger! It has been suggested that McCulloch was quite keen for Hamilton to beat him as it made Dott (who McCulloch beat in the first round and who McCulloch strongly dislikes) look bad and appear to be worse than Hamilton. Then again that may just be me making excuses.
Quarter finals
Anthony Hamilton v Stephen Maguire - I hesitate to write this after the last two rounds ... but ... Hamilton is the one poor player left in a high quality quarter final line up and I feel I must remain true to my ratings systems by flagging up the value bet once again.
Stephen Maguire currently 1.41 on betfair - fair odds 1.21 or less.
Other than this I have had a small dabble on Mark Selby who should be a warm favourite to beat Ali Carter although you may be able to back him at about evens. However, not big enough value to be a bona fide tip.
Friday, 27 April 2007
Grgrgrgrgrgrgrgr.
In a recent post I told of the astonishing corrugated road experiment of Ealing Council. I had been wondering how they could afford to engage in such folly when the answer came through my door one morning. The latest round of pasta_rogue vs. Ealing Council Road Fundraising Trap Department had resulted in another win for the town hall.
Looking back, this has been a long saga.
Round 1 - The Pointless Pavement Scam. Ealing Council realised that if you pave a piece of land next to a road then you can call it pavement even if it is in a position where no pedestrian would ever use it. Therefore with a small clause inserted in local parking law I can be accused of parking on a pavement endangering pedestrians and expect a fine on the doormat. Sure enough I fell for it.
pasta_rogue 0 Ealing Council 1
Round 2 - The Staggered Restrictions Scam. If you introduce parking restrictions to an area of roads and are inconsistent with the times that the restrictions apply, you are likely to catch out a lot of innocent civilians. Well, I noticed a zone had parking restrictions 3-4 pm so parked, did my shopping and was back at the car well before 3 ... but of course I had parked just round the corner from a change in restrictions and I was in the 2-3 pm zone. I should have been more wary, I know.
pasta_rogue 0 Ealing Council 2
Round 3 - The School Opening Time Scam. The perfect time to have parking restrictions around a school according to Ealing Council is 9:00-10:00 in the morning as this will encourage parents to think that it is safe to park as school starts at 8:55. Once they are in this mindset they will most likely forget the restrictions on the day when they are 5 minutes late and you can pounce. Or maybe they will get talking to another parent and forget the time. So far I have won this battle, although one time I returned to my car at 8:59 to find two traffic wardens standing next to it and watching their watches tick round towards the magical moment that they could leap into action. I gave them a big smile and left before they could detain me.
pasta_rogue 1 Ealing Council 2
Round 4 - The Improbably Slow Speed Limit Scam. So, you are whizzing along a 3 lane dual carriageway, practically a motorway, mid morning, traffic is pretty light and WHOOOPS, I forgot to slam my breaks on for the 40MPH zone (!) and the dreaded yellow box of doom has spotted me.
pasta_rogue 1 Ealing Council 3
Round 5 - The Unexpected Parking Restriction Scam. There's a local road I know that no-one lives on, just hedges either side, it's not near the tube or shops or a school, but woe betide you if you park on it between 11 and 12 on a weekday morning. I think it was meant as a kind of double-bluff, but I've not fallen for it yet!
pasta_rogue 2 Ealing Council 3
Round 6 - The Sneaky Line Extension Scam. There is a certain place that I park about twice a week, but I think I must have been watched. Suddenly one day the line painters have been out and extended the double yellow lines on this particular road by exactly 1 car length! Too obvious I'm afraid, you're not catching me out there.
pasta_rogue 3 Ealing Council 3
Round 7 - The Rush Hour Bus Lane Bank Holiday Scam (with Corrugated Road variation). Using a bus lane is always a temptation for the impatient driver, but nowadays we know it is likely that there will be a sneaky camera placed to catch any such indiscretion. So, we have the introduction of rush hour bus lanes which you can use at the weekend or any time outside rush hour on weekdays. And the trap is laid ... wait for a bank holiday Monday which is technically a weekday despite having the characteristics of a weekend day, lay down a piece of corrugated road (drdrdrdrdrdrdrdr) to disorientate the drivers just before the bus lane and BINGO, 6:54pm on a bank holiday Monday, just before the end of the restriction time and in I stray.
pasta_rogue 3 Ealing Council 4
Looking back, this has been a long saga.
Round 1 - The Pointless Pavement Scam. Ealing Council realised that if you pave a piece of land next to a road then you can call it pavement even if it is in a position where no pedestrian would ever use it. Therefore with a small clause inserted in local parking law I can be accused of parking on a pavement endangering pedestrians and expect a fine on the doormat. Sure enough I fell for it.
pasta_rogue 0 Ealing Council 1
Round 2 - The Staggered Restrictions Scam. If you introduce parking restrictions to an area of roads and are inconsistent with the times that the restrictions apply, you are likely to catch out a lot of innocent civilians. Well, I noticed a zone had parking restrictions 3-4 pm so parked, did my shopping and was back at the car well before 3 ... but of course I had parked just round the corner from a change in restrictions and I was in the 2-3 pm zone. I should have been more wary, I know.
pasta_rogue 0 Ealing Council 2
Round 3 - The School Opening Time Scam. The perfect time to have parking restrictions around a school according to Ealing Council is 9:00-10:00 in the morning as this will encourage parents to think that it is safe to park as school starts at 8:55. Once they are in this mindset they will most likely forget the restrictions on the day when they are 5 minutes late and you can pounce. Or maybe they will get talking to another parent and forget the time. So far I have won this battle, although one time I returned to my car at 8:59 to find two traffic wardens standing next to it and watching their watches tick round towards the magical moment that they could leap into action. I gave them a big smile and left before they could detain me.
pasta_rogue 1 Ealing Council 2
Round 4 - The Improbably Slow Speed Limit Scam. So, you are whizzing along a 3 lane dual carriageway, practically a motorway, mid morning, traffic is pretty light and WHOOOPS, I forgot to slam my breaks on for the 40MPH zone (!) and the dreaded yellow box of doom has spotted me.
pasta_rogue 1 Ealing Council 3
Round 5 - The Unexpected Parking Restriction Scam. There's a local road I know that no-one lives on, just hedges either side, it's not near the tube or shops or a school, but woe betide you if you park on it between 11 and 12 on a weekday morning. I think it was meant as a kind of double-bluff, but I've not fallen for it yet!
pasta_rogue 2 Ealing Council 3
Round 6 - The Sneaky Line Extension Scam. There is a certain place that I park about twice a week, but I think I must have been watched. Suddenly one day the line painters have been out and extended the double yellow lines on this particular road by exactly 1 car length! Too obvious I'm afraid, you're not catching me out there.
pasta_rogue 3 Ealing Council 3
Round 7 - The Rush Hour Bus Lane Bank Holiday Scam (with Corrugated Road variation). Using a bus lane is always a temptation for the impatient driver, but nowadays we know it is likely that there will be a sneaky camera placed to catch any such indiscretion. So, we have the introduction of rush hour bus lanes which you can use at the weekend or any time outside rush hour on weekdays. And the trap is laid ... wait for a bank holiday Monday which is technically a weekday despite having the characteristics of a weekend day, lay down a piece of corrugated road (drdrdrdrdrdrdrdr) to disorientate the drivers just before the bus lane and BINGO, 6:54pm on a bank holiday Monday, just before the end of the restriction time and in I stray.
pasta_rogue 3 Ealing Council 4
Thursday, 26 April 2007
Snooker Lucre 2
If you followed my first round tips you'll have enjoyed a roller coaster ride which looks like finishing on a high (phew)
Anthony Hamilton 10-3 Marco Fu
Whoops. Blaming a bout of flu and contriving to lose 3 consecutive frames on the black when it looked like he might launch a comeback, Fu capitulated.
Barry Hawkins 9-10 Fergal O'Brien
O'Brien put my tips back on track despite allowing Hawkins to get back from 9-6 down to 9-9 before finally clinching victory.
Stephen Lee 7-10 Mark Selby
Bizarrely Selby allowed Lee to go into a 5-0 lead before he started playing properly as Lee tired.
Allister Carter 7-2 Andy Hicks
Not quite all over yet, but Carter should ease over the line today to complete 3 out of 4 for the tips, and a small profit.
Second round starts today with the best two players in the world (O'Sullivan, Robertson) facing each other later in the round. In the early tranche of matches there is 1 huge value bet.
Ian McCulloch v Anthony Hamilton
The bright side about Fu's defeat is that it gives us another chance to oppose Hamilton. McCulloch is a strong player fresh from a great victory over Dott in the first round and should easily avenge our first round loss.
Current odds on Betfair 1.78 - My fair odds 1.21 or less.
Anthony Hamilton 10-3 Marco Fu
Whoops. Blaming a bout of flu and contriving to lose 3 consecutive frames on the black when it looked like he might launch a comeback, Fu capitulated.
Barry Hawkins 9-10 Fergal O'Brien
O'Brien put my tips back on track despite allowing Hawkins to get back from 9-6 down to 9-9 before finally clinching victory.
Stephen Lee 7-10 Mark Selby
Bizarrely Selby allowed Lee to go into a 5-0 lead before he started playing properly as Lee tired.
Allister Carter 7-2 Andy Hicks
Not quite all over yet, but Carter should ease over the line today to complete 3 out of 4 for the tips, and a small profit.
Second round starts today with the best two players in the world (O'Sullivan, Robertson) facing each other later in the round. In the early tranche of matches there is 1 huge value bet.
Ian McCulloch v Anthony Hamilton
The bright side about Fu's defeat is that it gives us another chance to oppose Hamilton. McCulloch is a strong player fresh from a great victory over Dott in the first round and should easily avenge our first round loss.
Current odds on Betfair 1.78 - My fair odds 1.21 or less.
Saturday, 21 April 2007
Snooker Lucre
With the World Championship starting this morning, I can present you with the best options for profiting on the first round matches if you fancy a flutter. I have used a few different rating systems and the bets below come out as huge value whichever system is used.
Anthony Hamilton v Marco Fu
Hamilton is abysmal nowadays and along with Andy Hicks is one of the worst two players appearing at the crucible this year. Fu is a quality player on his day and showed his class doing well in last years championship
Fu available at approx 1.71 on Betfair - Correct odds 1.16 or shorter.
Allister Carter v Andy Hicks
Hicks has had a terrible season and should be no trouble for Carter.
Carter 1.47 on Betfair - Correct odds 1.15 or shorter
Barry Hawkins v Fergal O'Brien
Until a recent upturn Hawkins had been having an atrocious season whilst O'Brien is currently underrated and should be favourite for this match.
O'Brien 2.7 on Betfair - Correct odds 1.45 or shorter
Stephen Lee v Mark Selby
Piggy has run hot and cold this season and allegedly couldn't go and play in the China Open because he was to heavy for the plane to take off with him in it. Mark Selby is the only relatively unknown player with a realistic chance of becoming World Champion and should send Lee home early.
Selby 1.76 on Betfair - Correct odds 1.33 or shorter
Anthony Hamilton v Marco Fu
Hamilton is abysmal nowadays and along with Andy Hicks is one of the worst two players appearing at the crucible this year. Fu is a quality player on his day and showed his class doing well in last years championship
Fu available at approx 1.71 on Betfair - Correct odds 1.16 or shorter.
Allister Carter v Andy Hicks
Hicks has had a terrible season and should be no trouble for Carter.
Carter 1.47 on Betfair - Correct odds 1.15 or shorter
Barry Hawkins v Fergal O'Brien
Until a recent upturn Hawkins had been having an atrocious season whilst O'Brien is currently underrated and should be favourite for this match.
O'Brien 2.7 on Betfair - Correct odds 1.45 or shorter
Stephen Lee v Mark Selby
Piggy has run hot and cold this season and allegedly couldn't go and play in the China Open because he was to heavy for the plane to take off with him in it. Mark Selby is the only relatively unknown player with a realistic chance of becoming World Champion and should send Lee home early.
Selby 1.76 on Betfair - Correct odds 1.33 or shorter
Thursday, 19 April 2007
I heard it in da signal box
Listen out for this one appearing in a top 40 countdown near you some time soon.
Tommy Fiddy mash-up
Tommy Fiddy mash-up
Wednesday, 18 April 2007
Massacre of Bridgetown
As predicted, kind of, before the tournament started the top 4 teams progressing to the semi finals are Australia, South Africa, New Zealand and Sri Lanka. And, based on the winners and losers of all ODIs since Jan 06, presuming the semis are AvSA & SLvNZ the chances of each team winning now are as follows.
Australia 36%
New Zealand 26%
South Africa 23%
Sri Lanka 16%
However I may not be able to report on the final results, as it will be difficult to turn the cricket on after the traumatic events of yesterday's ritual slaughter of England by the somewhat unpredictable but undoubtedly strong South African team.
Australia 36%
New Zealand 26%
South Africa 23%
Sri Lanka 16%
However I may not be able to report on the final results, as it will be difficult to turn the cricket on after the traumatic events of yesterday's ritual slaughter of England by the somewhat unpredictable but undoubtedly strong South African team.
Tuesday, 17 April 2007
drdrdrdrdrdrdrdrdrdriving us crcrcrcrazy
Once again Ealing council are pushing out the boundaries of human development, challenging the unchallengable, championing the spirit of innovation that has made this nation, possibly even this species, great.
The old-fashioned 1960s idea of flat roads is already seen as passe with the popularity of deadly, costly, poisonous speed humps still increasing, but now there are new ideas taking over.
Who needs flat roads when you can have CORRUGATED ROADS?
Yes, about a 30 metre lenght of the A312 is now corrugated. It makes a drdrdrdrdrdrdrdrdrdr noise and serves no obvious purpose except maybe to check drivers are awake by giving them a good shake.
Overall it's a thumbs down.
The old-fashioned 1960s idea of flat roads is already seen as passe with the popularity of deadly, costly, poisonous speed humps still increasing, but now there are new ideas taking over.
Who needs flat roads when you can have CORRUGATED ROADS?
Yes, about a 30 metre lenght of the A312 is now corrugated. It makes a drdrdrdrdrdrdrdrdrdr noise and serves no obvious purpose except maybe to check drivers are awake by giving them a good shake.
Overall it's a thumbs down.
Wednesday, 11 April 2007
West Indies down, but still not quite out
With Brian Lara announcing his retirement from ODIs after West Indies failed to get the result they wanted against South Africa you'd be forgiven for thinking that their competition was over, however they will finish level on points for 4th place if they win their last two matches and South Africa lose theirs. South Africa play their two games before West Indies so the hosts will have a very good idea of what they need to do in terms of run rate in their last two very winnable matches if their world cup is still alive.
It has been a mixed few days for South Africa, with this win lifting them back up after their disasterous Bangladesh defeat. Thanks to that result Bangladesh (and England) will both remain mathematically in the tournament even if they lose in their vital clash today. Bangladesh are in fact now the most likely team to deprive one of the top 4 of their semi final place. Ireland will be the first team out when they lose to Australia on Friday.
Winner
Australia 38% (+2)
New Zealand 25% (+2)
South Africa 22% (-3)
Sri Lanka 15% (+1)
England 0.28% (-0.01)
Bangladesh 0.22% (+0.21)
West Indies 0.09% (-0.64)
Ireland 0.00%
Semi Final qualification
Australia 99.99% (+1)
New Zealand 99% (+1)
Sri Lanka 97% (+1)
South Africa 88% (-3)
Bangladesh 8% (+7)
England 6%
West Indies 2% (-6)
Ireland 0.00%
It has been a mixed few days for South Africa, with this win lifting them back up after their disasterous Bangladesh defeat. Thanks to that result Bangladesh (and England) will both remain mathematically in the tournament even if they lose in their vital clash today. Bangladesh are in fact now the most likely team to deprive one of the top 4 of their semi final place. Ireland will be the first team out when they lose to Australia on Friday.
Winner
Australia 38% (+2)
New Zealand 25% (+2)
South Africa 22% (-3)
Sri Lanka 15% (+1)
England 0.28% (-0.01)
Bangladesh 0.22% (+0.21)
West Indies 0.09% (-0.64)
Ireland 0.00%
Semi Final qualification
Australia 99.99% (+1)
New Zealand 99% (+1)
Sri Lanka 97% (+1)
South Africa 88% (-3)
Bangladesh 8% (+7)
England 6%
West Indies 2% (-6)
Ireland 0.00%
Thursday, 5 April 2007
Superb Eight stage cancelled!
Not really, of course, but less than half of the way through this period of the tournament and the four semi-final qualifiers appear all-but decided. Sri Lanka's defeats of West Indies and England mean that those two teams will now need to turn their sights on their very difficult next matches against South Africa and Australia respectively.
Winner
Australia 36% (-2)
South Africa 25% (-1)
New Zealand 23% (-1)
Sri Lanka 14% (+5)
West Indies 1% (-1)
England 0.29% (-1)
Bangladesh 0.01%
Ireland 0.00%
Semi final qualifiers
Australia 99% (+1)
New Zealand 98% (+3)
Sri Lanka 96% (+32)
South Africa 91% (+1)
West Indies 8% (-20)
England 6% (-13)
Bangladesh 1% (-4)
Ireland 0.00%
Winner
Australia 36% (-2)
South Africa 25% (-1)
New Zealand 23% (-1)
Sri Lanka 14% (+5)
West Indies 1% (-1)
England 0.29% (-1)
Bangladesh 0.01%
Ireland 0.00%
Semi final qualifiers
Australia 99% (+1)
New Zealand 98% (+3)
Sri Lanka 96% (+32)
South Africa 91% (+1)
West Indies 8% (-20)
England 6% (-13)
Bangladesh 1% (-4)
Ireland 0.00%
Tuesday, 3 April 2007
France rush to leave Ealing reeling at damn tram sham
I notice the French have a set a new speed record for trains on a traditional track of 357mph between Paris and, well, somewhere else in France.
But fear not, noble Brits, proud Londoners, for Ken is pressing ahead with his plan for a tram all along the 207/607 bus route in West London at the bargain cost of £648 million for installation plus £48 million per year in running costs not covered by fares, partly due to the £1.2 billion over 30 years to pay back the borrowed finance to take on the project, despite local strong local opposition in all 3 boroughs affected by the scheme, particularly by those who will have main road traffic redirected down their currently relatively quiet residential streets.
I think these trams will probably travel at close to 400mph.
There was a tram on this very route until 1904 when it was improved to a trolleybus which in turn was superseded by the 607 bus.
But fear not, noble Brits, proud Londoners, for Ken is pressing ahead with his plan for a tram all along the 207/607 bus route in West London at the bargain cost of £648 million for installation plus £48 million per year in running costs not covered by fares, partly due to the £1.2 billion over 30 years to pay back the borrowed finance to take on the project, despite local strong local opposition in all 3 boroughs affected by the scheme, particularly by those who will have main road traffic redirected down their currently relatively quiet residential streets.
I think these trams will probably travel at close to 400mph.
There was a tram on this very route until 1904 when it was improved to a trolleybus which in turn was superseded by the 607 bus.
Friday, 30 March 2007
World Cupdate
The Big 8 stage has started with 3 games between the top 5 teams, with wins for the big 3 teams giving them one foot in the semis. West Indies seem to be drifting out at the moment and the games between West Indies, England and Sri Lanka seem to be the biggest ones to come later in this round. Assuming England don't lose to Ireland today.
Winner
Australia 38% (+1)
South Africa 26% (+5)
New Zealand 24% (+2)
Sri Lanka 9% (-3)
West Indies 2% (-4)
England 1%
Bangladesh 0.08%
Ireland 0.00%
Semi Final qualification
Australia 98% (+3)
New Zealand 95% (+10)
South Africa 90% (+15)
Sri Lanka 64% (-8)
West Indies 28% (-23)
England 19% (+2)
Bangladesh 5%
Ireland 0%
Winner
Australia 38% (+1)
South Africa 26% (+5)
New Zealand 24% (+2)
Sri Lanka 9% (-3)
West Indies 2% (-4)
England 1%
Bangladesh 0.08%
Ireland 0.00%
Semi Final qualification
Australia 98% (+3)
New Zealand 95% (+10)
South Africa 90% (+15)
Sri Lanka 64% (-8)
West Indies 28% (-23)
England 19% (+2)
Bangladesh 5%
Ireland 0%
Monday, 26 March 2007
Aussies storming ahead
Australia's win over South Africa opens up the gap between Australia and the rest of the world as they take the points through to the Ultra Eight stage and stretch their lead in my rankings.
Australia 37% (+5%)
New Zealand 22%
South Africa 21% (-6%)
Sri Lanka 13% (+1%)
West Indies 6%
England 1%
Bangladesh 0.10% (-0.03%)
Ireland 0.00%
Australia 95%
New Zealand 85%
South Africa 75%
Sri Lanka 72%
West Indies 51%
England 17%
Bangladesh 5%
Ireland 0.00%
South Africa are the only team looking in a good position to overtake the 4 teams who carry forward points from their groups to the next stage.
The statistical approach appears to be a bit harsh on Ireland.
Saturday, 24 March 2007
India checking out early
India's second loss of the World Cup tournament virtually puts them out, barring a shock win for Bermuda over Bangladesh which I make roughly a 1 in 100 chance. Sri Lanka are the main beneficiary since the last update. India are currently 85-90 on Betfair, so anyone with a house that they are willing to risk could do worse than bet against them becoming world champions.
Australia 32% (-1%)
South Africa 27% (-1%)
New Zealand 22% (+1%)
Sri Lanka 12% (+4%)
West Indies 6% (-1%)
England 1%
Bangladesh 0.14% (-1%)
India 0.05% (-2%)
Others 0%
These may well change again after the conclusion of today's games featuring England and Australia.
Australia 32% (-1%)
South Africa 27% (-1%)
New Zealand 22% (+1%)
Sri Lanka 12% (+4%)
West Indies 6% (-1%)
England 1%
Bangladesh 0.14% (-1%)
India 0.05% (-2%)
Others 0%
These may well change again after the conclusion of today's games featuring England and Australia.
Tuesday, 20 March 2007
Post-Modern Condition Syndrome Invention Disorder
I noticed on the radio the other day they were discussing "Post-Traumatic Slavery Syndrome".
Apparently if you don't qualify for ME, Gulf War Syndrome, ADHD, SAD etc., then it might be worth checking your family or cultural history to see if this could be your modern condition of choice. "Effects" last for over 200 years and can be inherited and can be applied to the enslavers as well as the enslaved.
Apparently if you don't qualify for ME, Gulf War Syndrome, ADHD, SAD etc., then it might be worth checking your family or cultural history to see if this could be your modern condition of choice. "Effects" last for over 200 years and can be inherited and can be applied to the enslavers as well as the enslaved.
Sunday, 18 March 2007
Irish Heroics on St Patrick's Day
An incredible day yesterday in the World Cup as Pakistan capitulated to Ireland to be the first team out of the tournament. Add to this Bangladesh's great performance in beating India and there was quite a recalculation of winning chances to do.
New Zealand's chances have increased considerably especially after they confirmed their superiority over England on Friday and Bangladesh now have a realistic (if slim) chance of going all the way, now being almost as likely as England to be world champions.
Meanwhile, despite the wonderful result Ireland's chances of victory remain non-existent with not one win in todays 20000 simulations, but I bet they enjoyed their Guiness yesterday.
Australia 33% (+3)
South Africa 28%
New Zealand 21% (+5)
Sri Lanka 8% (+1)
West Indies 7%
India 2% (-5)
England 1%
Bangladesh 1% (+1)
Pakistan 0% (-3)
Others 0%
New Zealand's chances have increased considerably especially after they confirmed their superiority over England on Friday and Bangladesh now have a realistic (if slim) chance of going all the way, now being almost as likely as England to be world champions.
Meanwhile, despite the wonderful result Ireland's chances of victory remain non-existent with not one win in todays 20000 simulations, but I bet they enjoyed their Guiness yesterday.
Australia 33% (+3)
South Africa 28%
New Zealand 21% (+5)
Sri Lanka 8% (+1)
West Indies 7%
India 2% (-5)
England 1%
Bangladesh 1% (+1)
Pakistan 0% (-3)
Others 0%
Thursday, 15 March 2007
Wah ... What?
If you have been fascinated by the juxtaposition of cricket and stats in my World Cup simulations then I can recommend the blog of Statmeister Wah where you can follow his quest to find the top player in the World Cup.
If not then avoid it as it is an obsessive plod into a numerical black hole.
You pays your money, you takes your choice.
(Only it's free of course)
If not then avoid it as it is an obsessive plod into a numerical black hole.
You pays your money, you takes your choice.
(Only it's free of course)
Wednesday, 14 March 2007
World Cup update
After the positive response to the previous post, I shall update when there is a significant change in the win %s
The first match was possibly the biggest game of the first round between two teams with a real need to take forward a win into the Excellent Eight round, so it is a valuable victory for West Indies over Pakistan:
Australia 30%(-1)
South Africa 28%
New Zealand 16%
Sri Lanka 7%
West Indies 7%(+2)
India 7%(+1)
Pakistan 3%(-2)
England 1%
Bangladesh 0.005% (corrected from previous post!!!)
Others 0%
Group D qualification
West Indies 99%(+2)
Pakistan 95%(-2)
Zimbabwe 6%(+1)
Ireland 0.07%(+0.01)
Tall order now for a fairly poor Pakistan team to reach the semis.
The first match was possibly the biggest game of the first round between two teams with a real need to take forward a win into the Excellent Eight round, so it is a valuable victory for West Indies over Pakistan:
Australia 30%(-1)
South Africa 28%
New Zealand 16%
Sri Lanka 7%
West Indies 7%(+2)
India 7%(+1)
Pakistan 3%(-2)
England 1%
Bangladesh 0.005% (corrected from previous post!!!)
Others 0%
Group D qualification
West Indies 99%(+2)
Pakistan 95%(-2)
Zimbabwe 6%(+1)
Ireland 0.07%(+0.01)
Tall order now for a fairly poor Pakistan team to reach the semis.
Tuesday, 13 March 2007
Forget that soccerball rubbish ...
With a great feeling of calmness, I've noticed the World Cup has just started. Thought I'd have a quick look and see who was going to emerge victorious in 7 weeks time. Turns out that the chances of each team winning are as follows:
Australia 31%
South Africa 28%
New Zealand 16%
Sri Lanka 7%
India 6%
Pakistan 5%
West Indies 5%
England 1%
Bangladesh 0.0002%
Others 0%
So that's bad news for any of us holding on to the hope that England "are the dark horses", "have the potential to beat anyone on their day" and "will bash those filthy foreigners"
However good news for anyone who has backed South Africa or New Zealand or indeed layed England
And chances of qualification for the Exciting Eight stage are ...
Australia 100%
South Africa 100%
Scotland 0.27%
Netherlands 0.15%
Sri Lanka 92%
India 91%
Bangladesh 17%
Bermuda 0.03%
New Zealand 99%
England 98%
Kenya 2%
Canada 0.10%
West Indies 97%
Pakistan 97%
Zimbabwe 5%
Ireland 0.06%
But you probably guessed all that anyway.
Note: results based on rounded percentages from 20000 simulations of the tournament using a linear simplification of fractional chances of victory based on all ODI results since Jan 2006 equally weighted ignoring home advantage both in the calibration matches and the world cup proper, breaking ties in group qualification using drawing of lots, ignoring team selecion and removing the possibility of ties, no results and acts of God or Mugabe.
Thursday, 1 March 2007
Quiz (ii) - Kitchens
How many people does it take to install a Moben kitchen? Only counting people actually visiting our flat, not any of the people I have spoken to on the telephone or in the shop.
Please post your guess here. I am still counting (grrr), so quiz remains open until it is all completely installed and working.
Please post your guess here. I am still counting (grrr), so quiz remains open until it is all completely installed and working.
Friday, 23 February 2007
Movie Review - Hot Fuzz
The movie begins with an analysis of attitudes to work in the UK, with the culture of the slacker well observed and contrasted by a scary rendition of what would happen if the British were actually committed to putting their all into their career represented by the obsessive policeman (played by Ian Fuzz) arresting all and sundry merely for law-breaking, and getting on the nerves of his colleagues. I wonder how deserted all our pubs (and streets) would be if some fool arrested all the under-age drinkers, drunk drivers, tax dodgers, drunk and disorderlies, speeders, drug takers, anti-socials. And people think the prisons are full now!
Once our obsessive joins up with a particularly useless partner (played by Nigel Hott) in a remote village, the film begins to move on to its main focus which is a merciless send-up of Hollywood action films. The lead character runs around like only a Hollywood action hero can, eyes focussed always dead ahead, arms pumping faster and more exaggeratedly than an olympic sprinter on steroids, and gradually the rest of the film catches up to his pace, starting with the amusingly horrific deaths of the victims. The conclusion is a delightful montage of set-piece shoot-out Hollywood standards, featuring unlikely OAP baddies, huge explosions and an inexhaustible supply of ammunition.
Left me laughing out loud. Recommended for anyone who can't take seriously the normal cliched Hollywood tripe.
Once our obsessive joins up with a particularly useless partner (played by Nigel Hott) in a remote village, the film begins to move on to its main focus which is a merciless send-up of Hollywood action films. The lead character runs around like only a Hollywood action hero can, eyes focussed always dead ahead, arms pumping faster and more exaggeratedly than an olympic sprinter on steroids, and gradually the rest of the film catches up to his pace, starting with the amusingly horrific deaths of the victims. The conclusion is a delightful montage of set-piece shoot-out Hollywood standards, featuring unlikely OAP baddies, huge explosions and an inexhaustible supply of ammunition.
Left me laughing out loud. Recommended for anyone who can't take seriously the normal cliched Hollywood tripe.
Make mine a Närke Kaggen Stormaktsporter
Just found ratebeer.com. Simply gives people somewhere to rate all the beers of the world, infinitely browsable. Good place to start as any is probably at the top 50 list of English beers. Did we try the Crouch Vale Brewers Gold Extra at a recent beer festival? Sounds familiar!
Have a browse of the top 50 in the world or in your favourite country, then be sure to search for an awful lager and enjoy the knowledge that the world agrees with your opinion.
Quotes such as "Fizzy pale yellow without head. Some vegetables up front, then water, corn and fizz. No substance, not bitterness. Typical mega-indistrial swill." (Fosters) will delight.
Have a browse of the top 50 in the world or in your favourite country, then be sure to search for an awful lager and enjoy the knowledge that the world agrees with your opinion.
Quotes such as "Fizzy pale yellow without head. Some vegetables up front, then water, corn and fizz. No substance, not bitterness. Typical mega-indistrial swill." (Fosters) will delight.
Thursday, 15 February 2007
Wednesday, 14 February 2007
Fame and Fortune
I hope everyone saw me on television last night.
Just in case someone out there missed it ...
Found out yesterday that Sky Poker (http://www.skypoker.com) have started doing a nightly poker tournament ("The Open") at 9:00 that they follow live on channel 846 (sky) with a guaranteed prize fund of £2,500. Wasn't sure quite what to make of that, but I made a last minute decision to enter last night's tournament and found myself among the 219 entrants who had flung their hats, or at least their ten hard earned pounds, into the ring.
Things started on a bad foot though, when Sky Poker wouldn't let me have my underscore when registering for their site. That really annoyed me. For Pete's sake, it is my name. GRRRR. Also I had to spend the first 10 minutes (well, actually minutes 3-13 once I'd finished the sprouts I was having for dinner) messing around with firewall and port settings before I could even see the table I was on.
Anyway, I'd only lost a few chips through not joining in at the start so I calmed down and played some sensible poker in the gaps between the interesting action/opportunities in the Middlesboro-Bristol City cup match. Poker, especially Texas Hold'em, is quite simple in many ways, but thankfully a lot of people fail to realise that basically if you put your chips in when you have a winning hand and don't when you have a losing hand then you are likely to do rather well. So I managed to move up the leaderboard a bit and when they went through the top 15 players the words "pasta rogue from London" were uttered for the first time on "national" television.
I felt my anger welling up again next time I was mentioned, I would have thought pastarogue was difficult to mispronounce, when the amateurish anchor seemed to introduce an r into the word pasta maybe under the misapprehension that it sounded fancier. "paaarsta" Twit.
There were 3 guest players yesterday evening, one professional player (well, "professional player and part-time taxi driver" was the precise introduction, which was rather odd), Eric "Crafty Cockney" Bristow and Barry "1st round at Wimbledon" Cowan. Unsurprisingly Eric and Barry left the tournament pretty early, despite "I'm aiming for the top 10" from Eric when already down to a quarter of his starting chipstack. Is beating Eric Bristow worth a mention on my CV? The taxi driver put up more of a fight and was unlucky to leave in about 50th I think.
The other host, the one who could pronounce pasta correctly, had 3 (worthless) player points prizes to give out for good/creative play. A little later I was given one of these when they featured a hand on my table, and, slightly oddly, I won the prize due to a good fold. I was dealt two 8s but once two other players had gone all-in I realised that they were very unlikely to be ahead so I made my prize winning fold. To be fair it did turn out to be a good decision once I saw that those other two players had pocket 9s and pocket kings.
I made it through to the final table (final 6) and then lost almost all of my then fairly meagre chipstack when the shortstack went all-in with Q,6 (lol) and I called with A,J only to get robbed on the river when a queen appeared. With virtually no chips left i soon left the tournament in 6th place, winning £150 which is my biggest poker win so far and moves my poker career safely into profit.
The heads-up final was decided when a dodgy pre-flop call with 10,2 was rewarded with an astonishing flop of 10,10,10. The winner's name was, appropriately, Jammyjimbo or something similar.
Rather odd to see the online poker tournament that you are playing being discussed seriously on television, but it was rather fun.
Make sure you watch the repeats today at 12:30pm and 4:30pm.
Just in case someone out there missed it ...
Found out yesterday that Sky Poker (http://www.skypoker.com) have started doing a nightly poker tournament ("The Open") at 9:00 that they follow live on channel 846 (sky) with a guaranteed prize fund of £2,500. Wasn't sure quite what to make of that, but I made a last minute decision to enter last night's tournament and found myself among the 219 entrants who had flung their hats, or at least their ten hard earned pounds, into the ring.
Things started on a bad foot though, when Sky Poker wouldn't let me have my underscore when registering for their site. That really annoyed me. For Pete's sake, it is my name. GRRRR. Also I had to spend the first 10 minutes (well, actually minutes 3-13 once I'd finished the sprouts I was having for dinner) messing around with firewall and port settings before I could even see the table I was on.
Anyway, I'd only lost a few chips through not joining in at the start so I calmed down and played some sensible poker in the gaps between the interesting action/opportunities in the Middlesboro-Bristol City cup match. Poker, especially Texas Hold'em, is quite simple in many ways, but thankfully a lot of people fail to realise that basically if you put your chips in when you have a winning hand and don't when you have a losing hand then you are likely to do rather well. So I managed to move up the leaderboard a bit and when they went through the top 15 players the words "pasta rogue from London" were uttered for the first time on "national" television.
I felt my anger welling up again next time I was mentioned, I would have thought pastarogue was difficult to mispronounce, when the amateurish anchor seemed to introduce an r into the word pasta maybe under the misapprehension that it sounded fancier. "paaarsta" Twit.
There were 3 guest players yesterday evening, one professional player (well, "professional player and part-time taxi driver" was the precise introduction, which was rather odd), Eric "Crafty Cockney" Bristow and Barry "1st round at Wimbledon" Cowan. Unsurprisingly Eric and Barry left the tournament pretty early, despite "I'm aiming for the top 10" from Eric when already down to a quarter of his starting chipstack. Is beating Eric Bristow worth a mention on my CV? The taxi driver put up more of a fight and was unlucky to leave in about 50th I think.
The other host, the one who could pronounce pasta correctly, had 3 (worthless) player points prizes to give out for good/creative play. A little later I was given one of these when they featured a hand on my table, and, slightly oddly, I won the prize due to a good fold. I was dealt two 8s but once two other players had gone all-in I realised that they were very unlikely to be ahead so I made my prize winning fold. To be fair it did turn out to be a good decision once I saw that those other two players had pocket 9s and pocket kings.
I made it through to the final table (final 6) and then lost almost all of my then fairly meagre chipstack when the shortstack went all-in with Q,6 (lol) and I called with A,J only to get robbed on the river when a queen appeared. With virtually no chips left i soon left the tournament in 6th place, winning £150 which is my biggest poker win so far and moves my poker career safely into profit.
The heads-up final was decided when a dodgy pre-flop call with 10,2 was rewarded with an astonishing flop of 10,10,10. The winner's name was, appropriately, Jammyjimbo or something similar.
Rather odd to see the online poker tournament that you are playing being discussed seriously on television, but it was rather fun.
Make sure you watch the repeats today at 12:30pm and 4:30pm.
Wednesday, 31 January 2007
Movie Review - Star Wars 2 or 5
As a keen film fan I can share my insights. I watch the films so you don't have to. Or something.
Just to clarify, re:title, this is the more recent one, from longer ago in the film, or sooner I guess, being the future.
Lots of aliens and space ships and dense meteor storms and robots. Laws of physics seemingly suspended. Bizarre huge Roman gladiator shoot outs with hundreds of robots and goodies with lightsticks.
This film is mostly let down by the ridiculous pear scene, wherein the young bloke and the woman sit down to a meal of, er, 1 pear each, a whole pear mind you, not the tinned stuff, and proceed to attempt to eat the pears with knife and fork. I know this is the far future, but even so you cannot eat a whole pear with a knife and fork, I won't believe that. I can accept the bending of the laws of physics, I am sure they were in deep space or another dimension or whatever, but the pear thing stretched it all too far.
Also I was surprised that Jedi people were not forward-thinking enough to take a kagoul with them in case of rain.
All in all I can only recommend this if you are a big fan of all the star trek films prior to (or after?) this. Otherwise stick with the lego version.
Tuesday, 30 January 2007
Rules clarification required (ii)
In association football, you are one goal ahead moving into injury time and under a lot of pressure, when your team gets hold of the ball you all run towards it and surround it so that no opponents can get through the forest of legs to access the ball. The opponents realise what you are up to and try to get you to move by tickling your players. What is the correct referee's response?
I've noticed that there appears to be nothing wrong with dribbling the ball over to the corner flag and trying to keep it there out of the opponent's reach, so I can't see why extending this ball protection would fall foul of the rules. Equally, tickling seems an underused tactic.
I've noticed that there appears to be nothing wrong with dribbling the ball over to the corner flag and trying to keep it there out of the opponent's reach, so I can't see why extending this ball protection would fall foul of the rules. Equally, tickling seems an underused tactic.
Thursday, 25 January 2007
Getting Fit and Gaining Pounds
On my way back from the gym (yes, you read right, gym, gonna ache tomorrow), I noticed some pieces of paper fluttering along beside the A40. Pretty familiar pieces of paper they were too, at least at first glance. Twenty pound notes just there on the ground blowing about. Candid camera? A leaking bank? Germans attempting to destabilise our economy? Something wasn't right, the notes were a bit too pristeen, almost a bit shiny, the queen a bit too happy, tipsy possibly, and that doesn't say £20 in the corner, does it, that says £02.
So, I picked one up:
Yes, that's the Rank of England. It says Plenty pounds. The picture on the back is "View of the west face of a cathedral". The bloke on the back is "Sir Max Ellis"Searching for Max Ellis on the internet, things begin to become slightly clearer,
http://www.junkyard.co.uk/ is a collection of his digital art portfolio, if you are interested.
Hopefully Max/the Bank of England don't have anything against me putting this here!
Hopefully Max/the Bank of England don't have anything against me putting this here!
Anyway, got back from the gym, had a fried bacon and egg sandwich and felt a lot better.
Dream Interpretation?
The night before last I dreamt that as I was crossing a large road, possibly the North Circular, a red-haired woman asked if I thought her hair was too short to put into a ponytail. I said "Yes". Her hair was barely longer than mine. What a silly question.
When I woke up everything outside was covered with snow.
When I woke up everything outside was covered with snow.
Monday, 22 January 2007
Oh deer.
On the tube today, on the way to take part in an epic and victorious snooker encounter with Gutsy (about which you can read an entertaining, if mildly biased, account on misterguts.blogspot.com), I noticed that the man seated opposite me had antlers.
This usurped the rather surprising, and no doubt hastily printed, sign at Hanger Lane station declaring "Caution - Wet Grafitti" as the biggest curiousity of my journey.
It was not a Centaur, or close relation, not wishing to mislead, as the antlers were no longer joined to their original host, but were thoroughly bubblewrapped and taking up most of the space between the two rows of seats. Not sure what the recommended way of packaging antlers is, but I noticed that bubblewrap is not a particularly good choice and there were many sharp protuberences, as I found with a sharp stabbing pain in my shin just after the large bearded old gent rose to attempt to leave the tube balancing alternately on his walking stick and his antlers, and skittling passengers on both sides.
This usurped the rather surprising, and no doubt hastily printed, sign at Hanger Lane station declaring "Caution - Wet Grafitti" as the biggest curiousity of my journey.
It was not a Centaur, or close relation, not wishing to mislead, as the antlers were no longer joined to their original host, but were thoroughly bubblewrapped and taking up most of the space between the two rows of seats. Not sure what the recommended way of packaging antlers is, but I noticed that bubblewrap is not a particularly good choice and there were many sharp protuberences, as I found with a sharp stabbing pain in my shin just after the large bearded old gent rose to attempt to leave the tube balancing alternately on his walking stick and his antlers, and skittling passengers on both sides.
Rules clarification required
Just wondering, does anyone out there know what happens if at the end of your shot in snooker one ball ends up balanced on top of another ball? Have you played a foul shot as the ball has ended up not on the bed of the table? But it has not really left the table as such. Perhaps I should ask Patsy Fagan.
Friday, 19 January 2007
Important update
Didn't want to keep anyone in suspense for any longer than I had to. So, here is a full report on my trip to the barbers.
After a disappointing false start when I realised I had only shaved half my face and had to return home in embarrassment, it was a successful trip. Actually there was a second disappointment before I eventually reached the barbers as the Aussies fairly cruised to their victory target in under 40 overs, which did at least vindicate my comments on powerplays.
It turns out that now is a brilliant time to go for a haircut. The average hairlength in Britain increases significantly during January as the unofficial "I went over Christmas" boycott leaves hairdressers up and down the land twiddling their thumbs rather than their curlers. Not that I have seen curlers used in my barbers, but they could hardly twiddle their electric razor cutter thing. So, it was a remarkably efficient trip as it cut out the 20 mins reading an awful newspaper or a tattered magazine.
This trip confirmed that the big news and talking point in England today is Big Brother. So, I won't elaborate. But at least hairdressers up and down the country have something to watch all day through the barren shearing month of January.
Hair cut. Paid. Home. In time for lunch. Bacon sandwich - yummmm. Saw a dog eating a rose on the way home. That didn't seem quite right somehow. But Turkish Delight is rose flavoured, so maybe is OK.
I've fallen into the obvious trap of multi-posting on the first day. So my blog will forever look like I started off all keen and then lost interest, even if I try to keep it up to date. Still, I suppose it's not every day that you go to the barbers shop.
After a disappointing false start when I realised I had only shaved half my face and had to return home in embarrassment, it was a successful trip. Actually there was a second disappointment before I eventually reached the barbers as the Aussies fairly cruised to their victory target in under 40 overs, which did at least vindicate my comments on powerplays.
It turns out that now is a brilliant time to go for a haircut. The average hairlength in Britain increases significantly during January as the unofficial "I went over Christmas" boycott leaves hairdressers up and down the land twiddling their thumbs rather than their curlers. Not that I have seen curlers used in my barbers, but they could hardly twiddle their electric razor cutter thing. So, it was a remarkably efficient trip as it cut out the 20 mins reading an awful newspaper or a tattered magazine.
This trip confirmed that the big news and talking point in England today is Big Brother. So, I won't elaborate. But at least hairdressers up and down the country have something to watch all day through the barren shearing month of January.
Hair cut. Paid. Home. In time for lunch. Bacon sandwich - yummmm. Saw a dog eating a rose on the way home. That didn't seem quite right somehow. But Turkish Delight is rose flavoured, so maybe is OK.
I've fallen into the obvious trap of multi-posting on the first day. So my blog will forever look like I started off all keen and then lost interest, even if I try to keep it up to date. Still, I suppose it's not every day that you go to the barbers shop.
3 things I've noticed for starters
1) Really I wanted an underscore.
2) I need a haircut.
3) There is no point in using a powerplay if your opponents are not going to be batting the full 50 overs.
1) My chosen identity is pasta_rogue. Not pastarogue.
2) If Jasper hadn't tricked me into setting up a "blog" I'd be halfway to the barbers now.
3) You are defending 155. YESSSSS plum LB!
1) Lynne and Lynn, Anne Marie and Anne-Marie, MacDonald and Macdonald. It's not the same, how does your name look without a character. Try turning your 4th letter into an X. Is it still you?
2) Blogs generally have about 3 entries and then are given up. No point starting one on a whim when there is something more constructive to do, surely?
3) Now they need 47 from 119 balls. What was the point giving them 5 overs when they could have hit out if they suddenly fancied it, particularly with a big-hitting team like theirs.
1+2) So my contribution to the world's knowledge is located under a misrepresentation, and wasting my time.
2+3) I guess I should grab my DAB and listen to the end on the way to the barbers. If I leave now then I can be back well before lunch in case I need to go to the pub.
1+3) And what bizarre law means I must play as Flantiff Callingwood and Stress on my PS2 game??? Can I even use their real names here? Madness!
1+2+3) One entry for posterity. Off out now. Cricket in the ears of course. Must get that hair shorn. visit again. Remember underscore in name, not address.
2) I need a haircut.
3) There is no point in using a powerplay if your opponents are not going to be batting the full 50 overs.
1) My chosen identity is pasta_rogue. Not pastarogue.
2) If Jasper hadn't tricked me into setting up a "blog" I'd be halfway to the barbers now.
3) You are defending 155. YESSSSS plum LB!
1) Lynne and Lynn, Anne Marie and Anne-Marie, MacDonald and Macdonald. It's not the same, how does your name look without a character. Try turning your 4th letter into an X. Is it still you?
2) Blogs generally have about 3 entries and then are given up. No point starting one on a whim when there is something more constructive to do, surely?
3) Now they need 47 from 119 balls. What was the point giving them 5 overs when they could have hit out if they suddenly fancied it, particularly with a big-hitting team like theirs.
1+2) So my contribution to the world's knowledge is located under a misrepresentation, and wasting my time.
2+3) I guess I should grab my DAB and listen to the end on the way to the barbers. If I leave now then I can be back well before lunch in case I need to go to the pub.
1+3) And what bizarre law means I must play as Flantiff Callingwood and Stress on my PS2 game??? Can I even use their real names here? Madness!
1+2+3) One entry for posterity. Off out now. Cricket in the ears of course. Must get that hair shorn. visit again. Remember underscore in name, not address.
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